zarina is five

We had a “Fiesta” in her honor on Sunday.  I cooked chicken tacos and she got bubble gum for her birthday.

.

comfortable

 

comfortable,

i never want to be comfortable.

 

choose leisure over love,

snort privacy like a drug,

i fear- we’re getting comfortable.

 

trade unity for reasons,

me and my personal plastic jesus,

i fear- we’re getting comfortable.

 

sow self into the dirt and die,

a bleeding king’s final cry,

i fear- we’re getting comfortable.

 

crucify all that’s our own,

shed the fear of being known,

Ecclesia,

you’re never- you’re never comfortable

 

quiet

It’s kinda humbling when you repent from “having all the answers.”  That’s where I’m at right now.

I see the rest of my life differently than I used to.  Before, I used to see each moment as fleeting and felt like I had to “get going” with my life before too late.  Especially in terms of my ministry.  Honestly, I felt like I needed to be preaching every week and in some significant leadership position or I’d be wasting my life.

But, there’s one little problem with that idea of me standing behind a pulpit and instructing others weekly.  Just one little problem: I barely know the first thing about what it means to follow God.  

Kind of a problem..

See, back in April when I signed with the Jets, I had just read Matthew 5 in the Message translation and was really inspired by verse fifteen.  It read, “If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. ”.  At that time, I had been a serious Christian for seven years and this passage really stuck out to me.  I felt like God had prepared me for “such a time” and was now graduating me to a much larger platform to share His word with the masses.  I mean, come on.. I thought I was going to play football in the most famous city in the world, a light stand to  say the least.

When I was in the hotel in Long Island, I would read that verse over and over.  My performance at practice was rocky  and I was becoming fearful that I might be released.  So, I would read Matthew 5 and remind myself that God was “putting me on a light stand.” 

Then, I got cut.

—————————–

So, a few weeks later, I was reading John Wesley’s wikipedia entry and I came across a not-so famous portion of his life, subtitled “The Quiet Years”. It described a seemingly idle period of time for Wesley immediately following his ministry failure in Georgia.  Strangely, just weeks after feeling so strongly that I was being sent to change New York City, I felt like that phrase, “The Quiet Years,” was prophetic of the new life phase I was entering.  At the time, I’d just finished five years in the spotlight playing major college football and constantly giving public speeches- a pretty fast paced and public lifestyle to say the least-  but all of a sudden, I surprisingly felt as if I was entering a new, unexpected phase.. Like I was supposed to intentionally shift gears and go deeper in my life.  Focus more on changing myself than saving the world.  Enter a new phase of insignificance- my “quiet years.”

———————–

A time to listen rather than talk.

A time to learn rather than teach.

A time to question rather than answer.

A time to fail rather than succeed.

A time to grow in the dark rather than shine in the light.

A time to wonder rather than explain.

A time to search rather than settle.

A time to disciple rather than preach.

A time to humbly serve behind the scenes rather than proudly lead in the spotlight.

A time to prepare.

A time to gain understanding.

(Until God thinks I have something worth saying…)

A time to be quiet.

————————-

I’m losing my life.

I’m Bruce Wayne leaving Gotham for Bhutan.

I’m losing my life, but I’ll find it.

Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time.  -1 Peter 5:6

 

 

—————————-

great excerpt from Brian Zahnd’s blog “Deeper.”

lunch in the Old Market

I went to church on Friday in downtown Omaha.  I ordered the salad bar…

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them. -Jesus (Matt.18:20)

Friday was the 8^th anniversary of my rebirth in Christ and I had a good lunch/conversation with my good friend Myron.  Here’s a couple of thoughts that surfaced in our two-hour discussion at Spaghetti Works.  

-The kingdom of God is the main thing.  (obviously.. that’s all I talk about nowadays.)

-Discipleship is also the main thing.  And, it doesn’t happen like this: “Come to this classroom once a week and learn what it means to follow Jesus.”  No, it happens when one Spirit-filled person takes another person and says “Come with me” and they experience life together Monday thru Sunday (not just Sunday) and the person who is younger in the faith will witness how that other person lives and interacts and responds in the real world, and in doing so, learn how to live and interact and respond themselves in the real world.  Humans learn by observation.  Without that mentor-type relationship, people rarely learn how to really follow God in their families and jobs.  It’s not impossible, but it’s just harder to grow when your “spiritual life” consists predominately of staring at the back of bored people’s heads and listening to one man give his take on things in a sermon…

-Jesus didn’t bring a system or an institution; He brought a culture.  The early church was the only “religion” that didn’t have an official building to meet at (that one didn’t last long) and they didn’t even really call it a religion.  Instead, they opted to appropriately call it the “Way.”  Yeah, Jesus went to the Temple, but He wasn’t there 24/7.  He attended (and sustained) parties; He taught on mountains; and He sailed in boats.  And, everywhere he went, He taught how to live. By His actions and words, He taught how to live real life in the real world.  Our experience with the Church needs to be communal in the context of normal life, not in some artificial mandatory gathering away from our regular lives. 

-That’s how we learn and grow.  Our world is the classroom for growth and discipleship. By experiencing our world with other people who disciple us, who we can disciple.  People who challenge us, people who inspire us, people who truly get us, people who we can be point blank honest with, people we can trust enough to be our true selves around.  In those relationships, with God as our common focus, we become better people.  I think it’s better to have three friends who love God and you can trust with your faults and fears than it is to have a mega-church full of people who you see every week but never truly get to know.

“I discovered later, and am still discovering right up to this moment, that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life’s duties, problems, successes, failures. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously not our own suffering but those of God in the world. That, I think, is faith.”  -Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his letter to Eberhard Bethge, 1944

 

the sky

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.                                               -Genesis 1:1

I catch myself staring into the sky a lot lately.  A lot.

It’s because I’ve discovered something about the sky that I never knew before.  Something that has totally transformed the way I view the world I live in…

In the beginning, God created the heavens (sky) and the earth.  Another way of saying this would be, “In the beginning, God created space and matter.”  The Bible tells that God is in the heavens.  In other words, although we don’t fully understand it, He’s invisibly present in the air all around.  From the wide spaces of the open sky to the tiny spaces between atoms, God is in the heavens (air, sky, space).  I like that kind of God better than the one who is on the other side of the universe far away.  It’s kinda comforting to know that the Creator is still hanging around these days.

So therefore, when Jesus taught us to pray, “Our Father, who is in heaven,” He’s not teaching us to pray “Our Father, who is in a celestial place far far away that we’ll one day get to go meet after we die.”  No, we’re learning from Him to pray, “Our Father, who is as close as the air I breathe.”  When the Bible talks about the kingdom of heaven, the real translation is the “kingdom of the heavens.”  The kingdom of the sky, if you will. 

Heaven is not a distant place; it’s a different dimension.  So, when we die, we’re not going to be leaving for a distant place.  We’re simply entering a new dimension that has been present all along, just not realized.  Let me give an example.

Remember Stephen?  The first Christian martyr, right?  Let’s look at Doctor Luke’s description of his “death.” 

The Jewish leaders were infuriated by Stephen’s accusation, and they shook their fists at him in rage.  But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand.  And he told them, “Look, I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand!” Then they put their hands over their ears and began shouting. They rushed at him  and dragged him out of the city and began to stone him.  His accusers took off their coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul.  As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”  He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died.                                                                           -Acts 7:54-60

So, did Stephen experience death in the way that we think of it?  Or, as he was dying, was he actually becoming more aware of his already present (though invisible) surroundings?  He saw the heavens “opened” and he saw Jesus- something so wonderful that he could even forgive his murderers in the moment.  Could it be, that when we breathe our last, we will actually see the opening of a new dimension and finally behold the God who has been as close as the air we breathe since day one? 

Now, I’m not trying to put a box on the omnipresence of God and say that He’s only in our atmosphere and only in the sky above.  No, He’s everywhere and inhabits space everywhere.  But, He’s certainly not hiding away “upstairs” either while we’re left to duke it out with the suffering and injustice that we face everyday on this planet.  He’s closer than that.

————————–

So, the kingdom of the heavens.. the kingdom of the sky.. 

I think about that a lot nowadays.  And, I’m really trying to understand it more.  I feel like I’m at the bottom of Everest with a long way to go, but I do believe I’m starting to get it.  I’m seeking first this kingdom.

The early Christians in the Roman Empire believed that Caesar was not the “savior of the world” and was not the true “king of kings and lord of lords.”  They attributed those titles to someone else… A different kind of king..

A king that the Roman Empire mocked with a crown of thorns and insults.  A king who bled and didn’t take blood.  A king who taught His subjects to love and then died to demonstrate it.  A different kind of king.

A King who rose from the dead.  A King stronger than death.  A different kind of King.

They believed that this King had risen from the dead and then entered the heavens and would one day reemerge from the heavens to restore everything.  (see Acts 3:21)

And, when the Bible talks about Jesus’ return, the original translation uses a word called “apocalypsos.”  It’s where we get the word “apocalypse.”  In Greek, it means “lifting of the veil” or to be “revealed.”  I think that’s the appropriate way to think of Jesus’ “return” to earth.  He’s not necessarily “coming back” as if to imply He’s been away; rather, He’s being “revealed” from the sky and we’ll be able to finally see Him, even though He’s been present the entire time.  Make sense?

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. -Philippians 3:20

Growing up, we had a blue healer named Spud, named after Spud McKenzie, the Budweiser dog.  He was crazy, literally.  Like most blue healers, he was an extremely loyal dog to one owner.  He practically worshipped my dad and would follow him everywhere.  I remember when my dad would go inside the house and leave Spud outside.  Spud would just stare at the door until his master returned. 

And after He had said these things, He was lifted up while they were looking on, and a cloud received Him out of their sight.  And as they were gazing intently into the sky while He was going, behold, two men in white clothing stood beside them.  They also said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into the sky? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven.”                                 -Acts 1:9-11

Everyday I ride the bus from Lincoln to Omaha for work and I’m fortunate to travel at the perfect time, coming and going, to witness both sunrises and sunsets.  Often, I’ll just get lost looking into the clouds, envisioning Jesus being all around and above, and picturing Him appearing to restore this broken world.  Lately, it seems that the bus will arrive and I’ll realize that I’ve ignored my book or Ipod and spent the entire hour-long trip simply staring out the window in an upward gaze.  I don’t really know why… but I think, in a way, it’s my soul whispering, “Maranatha!  Come, Lord Jesus!”  It’s my soul anticipating my Master’s return. 

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God.  -1 Thessalonians 4:16

Then I saw heaven opened, and a white horse was standing there. Its rider was named Faithful and True, for he judges fairly and wages a righteous war. -Revelation 19:11

 

nature is God’s free therapy

I hiked a couple of the trails at the Platte River State Park yesterday with Josh for a few hours.  

The trails were full of snow and ice.

It was slippery.

Josh fell..

a lot.

It was funny.